"Are you seeing anybody?"
"Why don't you date?"
"How will you find someone?"
Questions like these are asked often. Most of the time, I give a quick response that I'm just not looking to be in a relationship. Which then fuels even more questions and sometimes leads to looks of bewilderment and disbelief.
I get it. It's not the cultural norm. I can't say it's because I'm a Christian--plenty of believers date and are in relationships. However, my reasoning does stem from Biblical truths and personal experience, which is why I decided to write and share this. I hope that it can be helpful and useful to bring understanding. As a disclaimer, I do not write this on behalf of anyone other than my own self. This does not reflect the views or positions of any group of people, entity or organization.
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
My life belongs to God. I'm completely His. This scripture lets me know that as I choose to trust Him with my whole heart, as I avoid leaning on my own understanding, and as I acknowledge Him in all that I do, He promises to direct my paths. If marriage is part of His plan and purpose for me, then I don't have to look for it or try to make it happen. He will direct my paths and lead me every day as I learn to love and trust Him.
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
Just before Jesus said this, He told His listeners in verses 25-32 to not worry about their lives, what they eat or drink, what they wear, etc. This scripture lets me know that I don't have to worry about dating or marriage. Whenever I seek God and His kingdom first and foremost, He promises to take care of and supply all that I need. If that includes marriage, I don't need to seek after it. I seek God and He will add it to my life.
The world tells you to do what feels right and follow your heart. But Scripture says:
Jeremiah 17:9
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?"
Meaning that my heart can deceive me and lead me away from God's plans because my heart doesn't desire the things God desires. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I have to exercise discipline to protect my heart from being led astray.
Proverbs 4:23
"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."
Meaning I am responsible for keeping/guarding my heart. Guarding my heart means I need to
actively regulate what and who I allow myself to listen to, watch and entertain.
If I'm not
prayerful, in the Word and seeking Godly counsel, I can easily be led
astray by feelings, desires or other voices just as Eve was deceived in
the garden. She should have never been near the tree in the first place,
which is why it's important to establish and maintain Godly boundaries, especially with the
opposite sex. But I digress.
Psalm 119:11
"Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You."
What goes into my heart is what will come out of it. This scripture lets me know that as I hear, study, learn, apply and obey His commandments, I fill
my heart with the Truth and Life of the Word of God. When that's going
into my heart, what comes out of me will be His Truth, His Life and His
Word. This will keep me from being deceived or led by my feelings or desires. Not only that, but Jesus said:
John 10:27
"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me."
This scripture lets me know that the more I learn His Word, the more I learn His voice. The more I obey His Word, the stronger His voice becomes in my life. So I don't have to worry or fear missing out on whatever marriage, career, housing, business, or opportunity He has for my life when I'm consistently following His voice.
Given these points, dating is just not a focus for me. In every area of my life, I choose to seek the Lord and receive His guidance for each step I take. Not because I'm incapable of making decisions, but because He is the all-knowing, all-wise and sovereign God. I trust Him to know better and see beyond my limited perspective because His thoughts and ways are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9). Day by day and step by step, I want Him to lead me into His paths, promises and plans, which are far greater than anything I can imagine.
