This is Why I'm Not Dating

With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, the theme of relationships is stirring in the air. Some are happily in love, others are searching for love, some are avoiding the idea of love, while others are yearning for the experience of love--and then there's me. I haven't been in a relationship for nearly 9 years and I haven't looked for one in all this time, so I'm not surprised when I hear:

"Are you seeing anybody?" 

"Why don't you date?" 

"How will you find someone?"

Questions like these are asked often. Most of the time, I give a quick response that I'm just not looking to be in a relationship. Which then fuels even more questions and sometimes leads to looks of bewilderment and disbelief. 

I get it. It's not the cultural norm. I can't say it's because I'm a Christian--plenty of believers date and are in relationships. However, my reasoning does stem from Biblical truths and personal experience, which is why I decided to write and share this. I hope that it can be helpful and useful to bring understanding. As a disclaimer, I do not write this on behalf of anyone other than my own self. This does not reflect the views or positions of any group of people, entity or organization.

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." 

My life belongs to God. I'm completely His. This scripture lets me know that as I choose to trust Him with my whole heart, as I avoid leaning on my own understanding, and as I acknowledge Him in all that I do, He promises to direct my paths. If marriage is part of His plan and purpose for me, then I don't have to look for it or try to make it happen. He will direct my paths and lead me every day as I learn to love and trust Him. 

Matthew 6:33
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." 

Just before Jesus said this, He told His listeners in verses 25-32 to not worry about their lives, what they eat or drink, what they wear, etc. This scripture lets me know that I don't have to worry about dating or marriage. Whenever I seek God and His kingdom first and foremost, He promises to take care of and supply all that I need. If that includes marriage, I don't need to seek after it. I seek God and He will add it to my life. 

The world tells you to do what feels right and follow your heart. But Scripture says: 

Jeremiah 17:9
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" 

Meaning that my heart can deceive me and lead me away from God's plans because my heart doesn't desire the things God desires. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I have to exercise discipline to protect my heart from being led astray.

Proverbs 4:23
"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." 

Meaning I am responsible for keeping/guarding my heart. Guarding my heart means I need to actively regulate what and who I allow myself to listen to, watch and entertain. If I'm not prayerful, in the Word and seeking Godly counsel, I can easily be led astray by feelings, desires or other voices just as Eve was deceived in the garden. She should have never been near the tree in the first place, which is why it's important to establish and maintain Godly boundaries, especially with the opposite sex. But I digress.

Psalm 119:11
"Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You." 

What goes into my heart is what will come out of it. This scripture lets me know that as I hear, study, learn, apply and obey His commandments, I fill my heart with the Truth and Life of the Word of God. When that's going into my heart, what comes out of me will be His Truth, His Life and His Word. This will keep me from being deceived or led by my feelings or desires. Not only that, but Jesus said:

John 10:27
"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." 

This scripture lets me know that the more I learn His Word, the more I learn His voice. The more I obey His Word, the stronger His voice becomes in my life. So I don't have to worry or fear missing out on whatever marriage, career, housing, business, or opportunity He has for my life when I'm consistently following His voice.

Given these points, dating is just not a focus for me. In every area of my life, I choose to seek the Lord and receive His guidance for each step I take. Not because I'm incapable of making decisions, but because He is the all-knowing, all-wise and sovereign God. I trust Him to know better and see beyond my limited perspective because His thoughts and ways are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9). Day by day and step by step, I want Him to lead me into His paths, promises and plans, which are far greater than anything I can imagine.

The Whole Truth

EVERY DAY I sin.

EVERY DAY I fall.

EVERY DAY I miss the mark.

These are the facts. Each statement is true; but if I stop there, the thoughts and woes of guilt and shame will overwhelm my mind until I drown in an abyss of hopelessness. This may be the truth, but it's not the whole truth.

Jesus revealed that He is The Way, The Truth and The Life (John 14:6). If I'm going to take a look at the hard truths about myself, then I must also take a look at the hard Truths about Jesus Christ. Here is what scripture lets me know.

EVERY DAY I have access to the One who can cleanse me from my sin (1 John 1:7-9).

EVERY DAY I have access to the One who will pick me up when I fall (Psalm 40:1-3).

EVERY DAY I have access to the One with perfect aim who will teach and guide me when I miss the mark (Matthew 11:29-30).

Now that's a reason to rejoice! If I only look at myself for who I'm not, then I'll miss the reality of who Christ is. In the midst of our mess, it's easy to lose sight of God. We don't just need the truth, but we need the whole truth. 

Wherever you are, whatever you've done, call on the name of Jesus. Separate yourself from the busyness of life and all of the distractions to talk with the Lord. Open up your Bible or Bible app and read a Psalm aloud or something from the Gospels. Be your most authentic self with Him and allow Him to be His most authentic self with you.

Broken Pieces

I've got a key fob to my car that no longer works. I figure the battery is dead and it needs to be replaced. It's been like this for months and I know the solution is to simply go to an auto parts shop, but I choose not to. I don't want to spend my time, energy or finances getting it fixed. At least not right now. I plan to do it eventually, but "right now" is always inconvenient for me.

Often times when something doesn't work or it breaks, we have the choice to either try to fix it ourselves, get it fixed by a professional, get rid of it altogether or do nothing. We can be like that spiritually, too. Something is broken in the form of a relationship, a heart, a mind, trust, etc. and it stays broken because we choose not to get it fixed. Or we try to DIY project the broken pieces.

   It reminds me of my little 1/4 measuring cup. It dropped in my kitchen on the tile floor nearly a year ago and broke on impact. At the time, I quickly grabbed the pieces I could find and super glue. I followed the instructions completely and within a couple of weeks, after regular use and washing, the pieces just fell apart again. I still use my little 1/4 measuring cup, I just leave it broken, keeping the handle in the drawer beside it.

There are those of us who might try to DIY fix whatever is hurt and broken within us, but when that doesn't last and things eventually fall apart, we leave it alone and hold on to the broken pieces. I'm reminded of Jacob in the Bible when his sons deceived him into believing that some wild beast ate his beloved Joseph (Gen. 37:31-33). Joseph was Jacob's favorite son because he was born by his favorite wife Rachel. Jealousy led Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery and deceive their father. When Jacob believed Joseph was truly gone, he experienced a heart break and grief like he never knew and slowly traveled down a tunnel of depression that would continue for several years. 

How could Jacob—one of the fathers of Israel, someone who walked so closely with God, who literally wrestled with God and never walked the same afterwards (Gen. 32:24-31)—have experienced such an extended period of grief and depression? Scripture tells us in Genesis that Jacob's children tried to comfort him after his loss, but Jacob refused to be comforted.

There are times where we might find ourselves like Jacob. We refuse to be comforted in our brokenness, pain and even anger. Sometimes we don't want to bring God the broken pieces because we want to stay angry. Sometimes we don't want to bring God the broken pieces because we refuse to be comforted. It could be unforgiveness towards a spouse who was unfaithful. It could be grief over the loss of a loved one. It could be hurt over a broken relationship with a relative or dear friend. Whatever the brokenness may be, we need the Professional to step in and make it whole again.

We have to become child-like before our Father and allow Him to fix what is broken (Matt. 18:3). That's easier said than done, especially if you are someone who did not grow up with that type of relationship with your own physical father. Perhaps you've always been the type of person that had to fix things yourself because you couldn't depend on anyone else to fix them. It's amazing how much our physical relationships with people often affect our spiritual relationship with God.

Sometimes I choose not to bring my broken objects to a professional because it's inconvenient. While other times, it's because I know that the object that I find meaningful will never be the same. As people, we can fear letting go. We can fear forgetting. We can fear losing what was and having to accept what now is and what will be. That same fear keeps us from bringing our broken pieces to God.

But think back to when you first came to God. I don't know a single person who ever came to Jesus while they were whole, perfect and without any issues. Remember that mankind is born into sin (Rom. 3:23; 5:12-14; 1 John 1:8), which means we are born into brokenness. Then we grow up in this life being shaped by broken people and molded by a broken society, but until we meet Jesus Christ we don't realize the state of our own brokenness. Think back to when you first became aware of your own brokenness and Jesus stepped in to heal and restore the broken pieces. 

I never knew a love like His until I came to Him in my brokenness. Remembering what Jesus has done in the past with my broken pieces is what encourages me to always bring Him my broken pieces. I pray the verse in Isaiah 64:8 that declares He is my Father and Potter and I am His clay. He has never failed me and He never will because He can never fail. But if I'm not careful, I can be just like Jacob: one day walking with God and the next day refusing to be comforted by Him. 

Whatever your broken pieces may be, they are valid, your hurt is real and your loss is great. But if you choose to bring your broken pieces to the Master Craftsman, the Potter and Father of us all, He is able and willing to take what was broken and make it into something new (Rev. 21:5; 2 Cor. 5:17). He can take the broken pieces of something that seems final and finished, and bring about something that you never knew could even exist. I believe that for you and I'm praying it over your heart, mind, soul and spirit.

The Unexpected Hour

Time

The concept of time is very interesting and also difficult to describe.

Time can run and stand still.
Time can escape us and sneak up on us.
Time is both fleeting and precious.
There can be so much time and not enough time.
Time is both distant and near.
Time is something people gain and lose everyday.
Time can be calculated, but not truly measured because it is relative to its subject and situation.
 

It's quite the paradox! But did you know that there was a time when there was no time?

In the Beginning

The Bible opens with these three words, signaling to the reader the moment time began. The first chapter of Genesis reveals that the concept of time did not exist before God, but was initiated the moment He formed the heavens and the earth. He divided the light from the darkness, forming the very first day (Gen. 1:3-5). He established the sun, moon and stars to give light on the earth, to be used for both signs and seasons, and to record days and years (Gen. 1:14-18). All of creation has a beginning and an ending. The Creator, however, has no beginning or ending because He existed before time began and will remain when time comes to an end (Isa. 46:9-10, Rev. 1:8; 21:6; 22:13, Isa. 43:10).

Let's look at this from a different angle. If you have been in church for any amount of time, you may have heard the popular phrase,

"God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good."

Notice this phrase starts and ends with the statement that "God is good," and then sandwiched in between this statement we find the notion of time. 

Looking at this simple phrase, we can see that God's goodness exists outside the restraints of time and is in no way relative to the concept of time. Instead, it is absolute that the nature of God is good. There has never been a time when God is not good because He was good before time began and will remain good after time ends.

Imagining the end of time can be just as challenging as describing it in the first place. But the Word of God teaches us that there will in fact be an end to this time in which we live. The disciples understood that Jesus would return before the end of time, which is why they approached Him privately to ask, "what will be the sign of Your coming, and the end of the age?" (Matt. 24:3). Jesus then shared with them several signs to expect just before His return. Unfortunately, knowing that Jesus will return is very different than knowing when He will return.

The Unexpected Hour

This morning I opened my eyes around 4:50 am, sadly an entire hour and 10 minutes before my alarm clock. As I laid in bed, I heard the voice of the Lord whisper, "If you had known what hour the thief would come..." and my sense of hearing suddenly heightened as I listened intently for any strange noises in my home. After an extended period of silence, I succumbed to my "night owl" nature and went back to sleep, not ready to receive any grand revelations so early in the morning.

After returning home from work, however, I discovered that there are only three passages of scripture in the entire Bible that refer to a thief coming at a certain hour: Matthew 24:42-44, Luke 12:39-40 and Revelation 3:1-3. All three passages were spoken by Jesus and all refer to His return. The theme of all three scriptures can be summed up in the following phrase:

Jesus is returning at the stroke of "The Unexpected Hour" on the grand clock of time, an hour that we are quickly approaching. We cannot prevent it, we cannot escape it, we cannot control it. We can and should, however, prepare for it. Throughout these three passages, Jesus warns believers to "watch," "be ready," "hold fast," "repent" and "strengthen the things which remain." This simply means we have to turn our focus away from the world's issues and redirect all of our attention to God and His Word, actively pursuing His will in this earth.

No Time Like the Present

The present is truly the gift that we receive and unwrap on every "today" of the year. Time was created by God and thus belongs to God. We must not fear losing time because it was never ours to begin with. Instead, we must redeem the time we've been given, not wasting it on the things of this earth which quickly fade away (Eph. 5:15-16, Col. 4:5-6, 1 Cor. 7:31, 1 John 2:17). We must cherish and spend it wisely, preparing for the return of the King.

Roll With It

Naturally, I'm a perfectionist. While this attribute is often noted in job interviews as a positive-weakness of a potential new hire, it has always paralyzed me in my walk with God. I want to get everything right, so I will hesitate to take a step if I'm not absolutely 100% certain it's God's will. Mix that with dramatic and it's a recipe for disaster. Inside my theatrical mind, one wrong move from my character can ultimately ruin the scene transforming the entire play of my life into a tragedy. Therefore, it is better to play it safe, steer clear of risks and avoid changes to my role.

I learned something new and interesting about that word role from the book When God Rescripts Your Life by singer and author Jaci Velasquez. She writes,

There are certain roles that have been established within our society, family, church, community and beyond. Some are God-given (e.g. husband, wife and child) while others have been developed over time in society (e.g. business owner, homemaker and carpenter). Then there are the God-given roles that have been reshaped by societal views. As an illustration, the roles of men and women now greatly contrast with the roles from just 30 years ago. Not as though there were any changes to the Word of God, but to societal perspective. As proven throughout history, it is far better for us to uphold any and every role based on what God says, rather than what society says.

Sometimes when God speaks, it shakes up our perspective and, at times, transforms our role. I've heard of four guys who were just going about their daily lives, functioning in their respective roles as fishermen until the Word of God changed everything. Suddenly, they heard a voice call out, "Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men" (Matt 4:19).

They didn't yet know that this man was the living Word, God in the flesh (John 1:1, 14) and with a simple command and a great promise, they left everything behind to follow Jesus. I wonder what would have happened to Peter, Andrew, James and John if they decided to stay in their societal roles as fishermen, rather than rolling with their God-given roles as fishers-of-men.

For a perfectionist like me, it's very tempting to stay in my lane, safely confined within the walls of my perceived roles as a woman, as a Christian, as a writer, as a sister and so on. But I have to allow God to develop me in every role of my life for His purpose and plans, which are far greater than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9), just like these four fishermen developed into disciples, into witnesses, into fishers-of-men, into apostles and into martyrs. They just had to follow Jesus as the roll of His script for their lives unraveled before their eyes.

Evangelist Victor Jackson recently shared this thought on Facebook that reaffirms this concept:

"The Apostles were not trying to be Apostles, they were trying to be like Jesus. As they were trying to be like Jesus, they became Apostles."

- Victor Jackson (victormjackson.238) July 27, 2020

It's time to stop pressuring ourselves to fit the mold of whatever "role" we think we need to fill. If God is calling you to be a fisher-of-men, don't strive to become a fisher-of-men. Instead, leave behind your net and everything you thought you knew about fishing and strive to follow Jesus. I don't need to strive to be perfect, but I need to strive to be like Christ, who is perfect. What about you? What role(s) and mindsets are you willing to leave behind? As we follow Christ and learn His ways (Matt. 11:28-29), we will fulfill His purpose for our lives. Just gotta roll with it!

Am I Reactive or Proactive?

I recently had a conversation with my mother about the ongoing worldwide pandemic. She mentioned how experts claim to have warned that America would not be prepared to handle a pandemic, but despite the warnings nothing was done until it was too late [I promise to bypass the conspiracy theories].

The approach of many people around the world, and certainly within our nation, to COVID-19 could be labeled as reactive. By this, I mean that actions were taken in response to the unfolding circumstances. This is not uncommon, as Newton's well-known third law of motion lets us know that for every action there follows a reaction which is similar in size, yet opposite in direction. Hindsight is often 20/20 (a now infamous number) and I can imagine many people entering this year differently if they had insight of the ensuing events. I know I would have.

It can be easy to ignore warnings or take them for granted. The dentist warns me every year of the potential consequences of not flossing, and yet with each visit I somehow accumulate more packs of dental floss in my medicine cabinet than I actually use. Flossing my teeth would be a proactive approach because my actions now would prevent, avoid or delay future problems. But if I wait for my teeth to rot, then my reactive approach will be too little too late. Help me, Lord!

Throughout scripture there are hundreds of warnings regarding future events, such as the flood, Israel's slavery in Egypt and captivity, the Messiah and the end times. Jesus warned His disciples of His return using a parable that depicts a faithful servant and an evil servant in Luke 12. The faithful one is described as the servant who is watching and awaiting the master's return, regardless of the inconvenient timing. The evil servant believes the master is delayed and is described as abusive towards other servants, drunk and not looking for the master.

Unfortunately, the evil servant had a reactive approach. His circumstances caused him to wrongly believe that his master was postponing his return. He reacts to this with a self-serving attitude and indulges in sinful and foolish behavior. On the contrary, the faithful servant takes a proactive approach as he lives in a state of constant awareness, preparing and eagerly looking forward to his master's return.

As followers of Christ, we cannot afford to be reactive as we live in these last days. Instead, we must be proactive by preparing ourselves for His return, remaining sober and watchful (1 Peter 5:8, 1 Thessalonians 5:5-8, 1 Peter 1:13-16). Jesus warned that the servant who knows the master's will and decides to neither prepare himself nor do his master's will is going to face punishment (Luke 12:47).

Distractions must be conquered with devotion and discipline.

We have been given all of the warnings and signs. Let us be diligent to not make the same mistake. Some of us didn't realize the devastating effects of this virus, but God's Word is true and everything will come to pass just as it is written because He declared it so. We must seek to understand the Lord's will and we must choose to walk in it, preparing and eagerly awaiting our Master's return.

When I'm No Longer Drawn to God

I can look back over my life and remember key moments when I felt God drawing me closer to Him. Sometimes, I could literally feel the tugging on my heart to spend more time with Him in prayer or in worship. Other times, my spirit would feel heavy and weighed down by the burdens of life and He would remind me to just come lay them down at His feet (Matt. 11:28-30).

As the scent of sweet nectar draws the buzzing bees and other insects to feast, the human soul is drawn to the sweet, refreshing waters of the Spirit of God (John 7:37-39). There is an overflow of life, peace and abundant joy awaiting the thirsting soul. But what happens when my soul is no longer thirsty?

During those periods when I would be so drawn to God, I couldn't get enough of Him. I wanted to spend every moment soaking in His presence, diving into His Word, pouring out prayers and petitions to Him with no interference. I would immediately dismiss every distraction because nothing compared to being with Jesus.

Then the day would come where I wouldn't feel drawn by God to do anything with Him. I know! Certainly, this means God wants me to relax, take a break and just do something that I enjoy. So I did just that. Then one day turned into another and before long, that feeling of God drawing me closer to Him became no more than a distant memory. Questions filled my mind. 

How did this happen? Is this the result of some sin in my life? Is God angry with me or disappointed in me? Was I selfish for doing something I enjoyed instead of spending more time with Him?

Drawn to God

No one can ever come to God without first being drawn by Him. I believe that every person at some point in his/her life is drawn by God, thus begins what is commonly referred to as the spiritual journey. We can either respond to the drawing of God or ignore it. Should we choose to respond, we begin taking steps to draw closer to God hoping to achieve some level of knowledge, understanding or experience.

Taste and See

The savory aroma escaping the stove and oven within a kitchen fills the nostrils of every passerby, beckoning him to step inside for a taste. Similarly, we are drawn to God and when we've tried Him, meaning we experience God or achieve some new knowledge or understanding of Him, it's as though we've sampled something so good that we just have to get some more of it! Like a Thanksgiving meal, we do not stop feasting until we are completely satisfied and can't eat another bite.

Full of God

God fills heaven and earth (Jeremiah 23:24), but cannot be contained within its vastness. Likewise, within each of us is a void, or emptiness, and God draws us so that He can fill us with Himself. If you've never been filled with the Holy Spirit of God like the disciples and all believers throughout Acts, there is no experience that compares to it! Jesus warned that without this experience, we can't see or enter the Kingdom of God (John 3:3-5).

So when we become "full" of His Spirit, and when we are "full" or satisfied with new knowledge or understanding of God, and when the euphoria of this experience fades away,

will we choose to want more of God?

It wasn't wrong for me to do something I enjoy. I didn't anger God by doing so. But do I only enjoy His fellowship when He draws me? When I'm no longer feeling drawn to God, I have to decide if I still want more. Not based on what I feel, but based on what I know.

I may not feel God pulling me deeper in prayer, but I know that when I pray in faith He hears and responds (2 Kings 20:5). I may not feel drawn to deeper worship, but I know that He is worthy of my worship (Psalm 29:2). I may not feel drawn to deeper Bible study, but I know that when I study His Word I become more aware of who He is and all that He does (2 Timothy 3:16-17). When I no longer feel God pulling me, I have to decide if I want to draw any closer or stay where I am. It takes discipline to keep pursuing Him, but when this is fueled by an inner desire to know Him, the journey will never end.